Greenland 2: Migration review
By Joel Humphries · Watched 01.09.26
NOT RATED
Spoiler-free review
Greenland 2 imagines post-comet civilization losing roads, stability and the knowledge required to build a rope bridge while somehow maintaining electrical grids in London and Paris. Gerard Butler confronting a bridge over the evaporated English Channel becomes a fifteen-minute medieval TikTok challenge, after which the movie escalates to a second bridge made from lashed-together ladders. “You’ve got to be kidding me” is both his dialogue and the correct review. I walked out unrated, wishing the survivors luck reaching the “crater of life,” dying on the way or doing whatever this movie eventually decided.
Full review — contains spoilers
At one point Gerard Butler says “you’ve got to be kidding me” while standing on a rope bridge suspended over a hollowed-out canyon that apparently used to be the English Channel before all the water in the Atlantic Ocean evaporated, apparently.
Post-comet humanity has somehow forgotten how to build a rope bridge, so the movie spends fifteen full minutes watching grown adults fall off one like some sort of disaster epic medieval TikTok challenge. Then we get a second bridge, this one made out of lashed together ladders, because obviously escalation was required to keep us engaged.
Civilization has allegedly collapsed into dark-age chaos, yet London and Paris still have electricity. Not roads, not stability, not engineering competence, but fully functioning power grids. I'm not rating this because I'm walking out. I hope they eventually make it to the crater of life though. Or die trying. Or whatever.